Aw, Hell.

So it’s late, and once again, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.I used to think I had things figured out. I was going to be ShutterJunkie: cool-ass blogger with the new story from the frontier of awesomeland. Lately, however, I’m realizing more and more that I don’t have any idea what I want to do with this strange, strange thing I’ve been given, dubbed by most as a “life.”

This country sickens me. I detest the very society I live in and the way I, personally, live. I hate the rampant consumerism, the unchecked limitation of my civil liberties, the drug laws – all of it. I’m not being preachy. I don’t care if you listen to me, or if you agree with me, and I sure as hell don’t want your approval, since you are all part of the scum that keeps this society running the way it does.

I’m just fucking sick of it. Religion too. You ask me, if there is a God He/She/It/They has some serious fucking explaining to do. Why were we all dropped in this confusing world full of pitfalls and snares ready to tear us apart the minute we let our guard down with no goddamn instruction manual, no idea how we got here, and no help from anybody? How come we have to make other things suffer to sustain our own life? (vegans, you are not exempt. I’m sure those plants don’t WANT to be eaten any more than the cows do)

If God were an engineer, which metaphorically speaking at least He would have to be, and he turned in a schematic for the earth as a final draft to any engineering firm worth its salt, He’d be fired at on the spot and laughed at on His way out the door.

And it’s not as though the evolutionary perspective of creation is any better! Kill or be Killed, right? Only the strongest survive? What kind of suck-ass world is that? So if you’re born with a handicap it’s just, “Sorry, better luck next time?” I wish there was some way for people to just stop treating each other like shit for a whole year, just to see how things would go.

Anyway, I digress. Things have been weird lately. I’ve been considering a number of possible future careers. For anyone reading this that actually doesn’t know me I’ve gone from being interested in Physics to Journalism to Biology to Translation over the course of the last three years.

I know I want to do something that actually has merit.

I want to contribute to the existence we are all stuck with, to make this place a little less of a hellhole. However, I’d also like to make enough that I’m not destitute.

I don’t know if this is going to present a problem or not yet.

I know that whatever I end up doing I am going to continue to write.

I don’t know why I’m posting this on the internet. I think it may have something to do with man’s search for immortality through his works, or something like that.

For a while I thought about joining the merchant marine. Hell It worked for Kerouac, but I really don’t like the idea of supporting the conflict in the middle east.

I think I’ll try to get a job down by the docks this summer. Something outdoors.

Wow. This post is beginning to sound way too much like a fucking diary entry. Anyway. I should probably sleep or something. Good night all.